CO to WA

L & I made the trip from Boulder to Bellingham, across several road closures for miles of unseen construction work. We stopped in Twin Falls, ID to sleep & run through morning sprinklers & eat free waffles. At one point we were driving to techno and the construction cones were pulsing past in cadence to the music & it made us laugh full-bellied. I really enjoyed this time with her. Sometimes I feel like we share mutual miscommunications, but we both always remain our own selves, never bending down to assume position of talker/listener, higher/lower, louder/softer, nicer/meaner. We’re both always going 100% in our own directions. It’s weird to notice this, but I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships lately, and how well it works out to have balance, and one person is this & the other that in order to provide benefit for both. But this is a different scenario with her & I. And after we had landed in Bellingham, and were going out to celebrate several different kinds of Lasts, she could sense my emotions shift & work them from my mouth. I miss that readability. A task not too many people can do anymore.

Us Nevada House girls reunited to clean the rental. Poured the un-needed into the street & pretended not to watch our landlord lift that heavy thing and then bend over to pull that weed! with his shirt off.

We went to L&K’s new apartment on Texas St. dun dun, and it had a very Mexican familial concrete communal complex kind of feel. Us reunited girls drank 2 bottles of crisp white, and Sarah took a shot of warm raspberry vodka, seeing as this was her last night in Bellingham before she & her man would travel to become professional athletes for Zap Fitness in NC. It was really good for the soul, playing dress up, drinking wine, seeing Mckinley, my love, asking, “Do my boobs look good in this dress, or just floppy?” We went dancing at Glow – gross. I was confused by the too-evident classification of hierarchy, but really, did I just forget?

I’m getting a little angsty over the lack of female camaraderie evident in dance clubs & between friends. While I was in Boulder, one of my room mates sold a couch of mine that was the first piece of furniture a & I bought together, and a custom-made bike my grandmother had bought me for my birthday, without telling me. On one hand, I know that I lacked a certain responsibility over my things, but on the bigger hand, she sold my things without telling me, and took the money. It made me feel like no one has my back. I’ve always been angsty over friendships, and lack of trust, and losing them. It’s the reason I don’t answer the phone, or why everyone is at a distance, or even why my closest friends live far away.

I spent the majority of the trip relaxing with my mother. Eating several maple donuts and bismarks & cups of coffee. Sleeping on a mattress on the floor, with the most soft of blankets. I enjoyed being home.