Today it was 75.

I had the slight inkle today to try and run a 12 or 24-hour race. I believe it's my weak mentality towards running that keeps me from creating goals, let alone reaching any sort of earth momma given-potential. I keep circling the idea that I don't want to wake up and be 40. It's impertinent in my mind that I don't wake up and everything has changed in a way where goals are more difficult to fit into my life. Goodness, it's so wrong to think about, because on one hand I'm thinking, What if I wake up and I'm too old to have a kid - because I chose to pursue more independent dreams?And then that fights with, What if I wake up one day and I'm too old to be truly great at something - because I was never awake enough to create dreams?

Man, issues = me.

So I thought, maybe if I could stick to running for 12-24 hours, my mind would be ready to create dreams in the now because I could be proud of accomplishing something so hard, and then I could think, "what's harder than this?"

Also, ps: I ran against the sea of CU's distance track team today, and man, it's like hard not to be an asshole as a group of runners isn't it? Now I understand how the people on the Interurban felt. But, on the outside in, I'm not mad - runners invest so much into the land - fuck the bikers and the walkers. Okay, wait, I forgot I was also running, because I was being sentimental and thinking about WWU XC/TF. They should have considered me equal. Or run with their eyes up, which is something you learn how to do in elementary school isn't it? Maybe not, if you're always checking on how your abs look in motion.