[Thanks]

At one point I wasn't sure how to feel thankful. I was in such a stupor, I couldn't see beyond the thick of an upset; I was thankful to be alive & to have a family that supported me & my heart. Beyond this, I was very ungrateful. In there somewhere I knew I'd change & couldn't wait for it. In my life, there's no use in forging gratitude, it'll be what it comes to be; I only hope to be afforded time for understanding. In this tilted world, I am thankful for this:
1) A soft bed, the laptop on my lap as I close my eyes, falling asleep to tutorials that keep me learning
2) Coffee
3) The cold walk to work, the ritual of passing certain shops, certain people, certain skies
4) Working for places that care for me as an emotional person & are interested in my passions outside of work
5) The ability to learn about wine, about the body, about myself
6) Time to run during long days
7) A new racing team of serious, fun, accomplished runners that make me want to be better
8) My mother, who took me under her wing without question, for sitting at the edge of my bed as I cried,    who has these eyes like she knows what it feels to hurt as I'd hurt; that the last thing she'd ever wanted was for me to ever feel the way I did, for being there for me when I was/am broken
9) For my father's heart, which is vast, which leaves him contemplating loss more often than I, for making me aware of where I come from: the depth of emotion that leaves us always hungry to love
10) For laughter
11) For all of the traveling this year I never thought I'd be able to do & did
12) For keeping my passions in my pocket
13) For thinking before I speak [more], though I'm not entirely excellent at this
14) For finding confidence slowly
15) Austin, TX
16) For Laurey, who is the most incredible mother, woman, friend, whose hair & eyes & hands & food I miss every single second of every single day
17) IPA's
18) For feeling the weight of foundation
19) For never giving up
20) For hearing the man say that his wife has just passed, that he comes here to carry on a tradition they had, for his dedication to her, for the fact that I had to walk to the back & weep to myself because there are people out there that recognize loss & who love longlastingly & I am thankful for the reality that dedication is possible