Sunday's

All my friends are listening to 70's synth. Seems to me they feel like dancing. I think everyone should dance more. I feel magical in small, seemingly unimportant ways every once in a while. Like how I just show up to people's houses & use their new york slender bathrooms to change into the outfits I never frequented, and how they'll call out to me as I'm changing, "My cat has been missing for 3 days!" "Oh no, are you worried about it?" "Yeah, kinda." And how I hear a mewl from somewhere outside & how I shout, "I hear a cat!" And she goes running & finds the cat in a tree. I'm feeling magical or like a cat whisperer. But then, also, I was touching that cat later, and it looked at me softly then scratched me all at once in the eye & lips...so, I am feeling magical but also like shit. 

Last night the beer garden was reserved for the birthday girl's 50th. I snuck many free tickets for the pale ale. We talked running. There were pictures everywhere, photos from all those summers at cross country camp in Coupeville: bleached blonde & in love. I was wearing my hammer pants, which, potentially & unabashedly attributed to the pale ales, I kept claiming as my "future-fupa-filler-pants." I was fuzzy & sad & walking towards cousin for salad & cokes at the bar. She was wearing a back-peek-a-boo dress & I told her she should keep her legs bare. Tonight was a night for looking beautiful. 

We paid the doorman, felt a sudden too-still feeling & took care of our jitters with a walk. Our friends played their music with ever-bobbing heads. We felt a sudden too-still feeling & walked home for hawaiian & pulled pork pizza, crazy bread, jalapeno dip & episodes of poorly done ghost shows. I drove home sleepy, wondering if I might wake up in the morning less sad. 

On my long run I felt a deep emptiness. Then Train's "Marry Me" came on. This is not a good song, but sometimes an "aww cute" can really help, and that's surely what came from the lines, "you wear white & I'll wear out the words I love you and you're beautiful." Ah, Train, you little swindler.