Running Log #1

As I am - I go heavily off of feeling/emotion. For a while I did not feel a particular sensation about how to consider running. I was given more than enough opportunities & introductions to move forward, but none felt right; except for running with the old balls. Old balls comprised of life-long lovers of the trail, those with true tall tales; advisers of love, life, relationships. I felt at home with them. I felt genuine with them. Another time, a different story. I threw myself through a couple years of low mileage. When I came back to WA, I tried to run, because I wanted to use it to release pent up anger; encourage endorphins & serotonin. It was quite painful. I'd get a few miles out & be so incredibly distraught that I'd have to turn back, walk, force myself to think of anything other than. It took a while, and I mean a while, but I got through it. I still have to fight to keep my thoughts straight.

I didn't want to put too much pressure on myself, so I maintained a 30 mpw average. If that. Really, I'd run a 3-mile loop in Ferndale 6 days a week, because I felt safe doing so. If I panicked in the middle, it'd only be a 1.5 mile run back home. From the encouragement of two of my friends, I'd sign up for local races. Signing up for them helped me stay focused. I was never nervous for the race, just sad. I ran with great sadness. I think I ran with a sort of hunger because collecting prize money became quite delicious. Between the races I'd have to face why I was running. I'd have to address the complete aloneness of it. I had to realize just what was getting me out the door every day.

When a friend from out of town came through I rode the wave of excitability projected from her steadfast goal-drive. I am not a marathoner, but there was such magic in the story I imagined us to experience together surrounding the marathon, that I took steps to become a sort of one.
In September I ran my first, and thanks to a couple friends, I was told when to take a goo, when to drink, and where to hold back. If it weren't for their advice, I'm sure I would have run myself into the ground. Instead, I was steady, took 1st, and got a time for Boston. I never had to go to the bathroom & I didn't get lead arms. My mum & I went thrifting after; I was the happiest I'd been in a really long time. I think I needed to exhaust myself enough, get that deep down serotonin to feel the thrill otherwise missing.
With gratitude I was able to sign up for Boston the next day, which I hadn't totally actualized. It's crazy how fast it all went down, I was like, "Oh I'll run one," to, "Shoot, there's only one marathon left before registration," to, "Um I just ran a marathon with no training?"

In my head I was preparing to move to Austin, but because of this whole feeling thing, the whole Courtney is emotional thing, I felt like I needed to stay put to train for Boston, also because I needed a set city to fly out of. Then, organically, a group of opinionated women decided to put an elite club team together to give other clubs in the northwest a run for their money, thus beginning a competitive fall season, and a succinct picture of the future & goal making. I'm still quite reluctant to go beyond 30 mpw, but after our first race of the season, it is quite clear that I'm in need of some proper training. So begins another chapter. One entirely developed by all those sad moments on the county roads of ferndale.

My biggest support seems to come from Mr. Joel Metz. As soon as I came back home he had races lined up for me to win cash, axes, whatever. They've driven to see me race all around, are planning on coming to Club Regionals in Portland, encourages me to talk about running, workouts; is just remarkable & unyielding in his support.

Our club team is comprised of some olympic trials runners, amazing marathoners, sponsored trail runners, really powerful women. They inspire me. We had our first race the other weekend, all of us on different pages, one training for her olympic qualifier, a couple just coming from time off, and we won. The road will be hard for sure, but I believe that when we're all on the same page, we're going to explode.