Running Log #4

I've been enjoying the warmth of the blankets more than usual, trying to find that perfect hot drink to sip from sitting in bed before sleep. For some reason said hot drink is difficult to find - none of them stay perfectly hot & I'm tired of continually standing in front of the microwave. The mornings are constantly buzzing with alarm, putting off until there are just moments to get ready, to be late. I sort of enjoy this lackadaisical slumbering routine because I walk to work with no makeup & it feels good to be bare, though sleepy looking.

I was supposed to run a 5k with friends of mine, a race designed to support those who work in the care-industry. This year's earnings would go towards a woman who works at St. Joe's who has been diagnosed with breast cancer & needs help with her medical bills. With how busy I've become, I just entered to give lead woman a shot, knowing that somehow it was helpful, and if my friends thought it was important, I would as well. The race, Everyday Superheroes 5k, encouraged costumes, so I contacted my mother, costume designer, to come up with one. After a late night at the bar, I came home to find that my costume would be a bright purple tutu with green lightning strikes & a hefty curtained cape. I didn't want to be that woman that shows up in tech gear with a win on her mind. I wanted to be that weirdo who was maybe the purple people eater? who could have fun as well as win.

Now, I didn't take the necessary time to be fully conscious of the kind of good this race was for the community. I could say that I was assigned the task of being selfish for [2] weeks. Task assigned by therapist. Experiment developed as a result of my uncanny ability to take on too much, absorb other people's problems, issues, emotions - basically, clinically - classic caregiver burnout. And, really, I didn't even remember to do so until like a few days ago...But, in truth, I was lazy & should have been aware of its meaning.

I don't much mind when my family comes to watch, but when they all came to this race, it was pretty cute. A couple prepubescent teens came in before me & I was feeling not so comfortable with tutu tucking between my legs and the chill from the bay goosepimpled on my skin, but I hustled & took 1st woman, 3rd overall. I feel kind of weird for saying so, especially because they awarded him a prize for being a badass, but a dude racing with a babyjogger and tot in tote totally tried to take me out on every corner, so I eventually leaped over a log which he had to maneuver through with his [unfortunate] wheels, and I got him. Thank god for logs. I want to say that I liked everyone, but really, I'm not too sure.

After the race I jogged around Squalicum pkwy, in tutu, noticed a long-shaped pile of discarded fabrics, had the feeling that I should check to make sure there wasn't a body underneath - did so - there wasn't...Back at awards there was hot coffee, great post race snacks, a super taco walking around. I was fortunate to receive cash, a roadID, and the grand raffle prize of a whitewater river rafting adventure for 2. I told grandmother jean that she could be my date on the raft, but she declined. I thought to give it to my father, who really wants to raft for some reason unbeknownst to me. But, mother said, "Don't give it to him! Save it for yourself, maybe by then you'll have someone you want to go rafting with, someone you want to see under pressure to see if they're the one, or perhaps it'll be someone you want to drown - either way you save it for yourself." I love my mother's perspective. I had forgotten to relish the task of selfishness again; she put me in my place thank goodness.

I called my grandmother helen, the one who birthed 7 children, to tell her about the race. She is mother to a daughter, my aunt, who passed away last year from breast cancer. At the time, I was working an enduro-event in the desert of western colo/utah; the race had just finished and we were trying to get the dehydrated athletes wet and full. My father called to tell me she had passed & I had to find the only thing large enough to hide my grief, tucked behind a large dumpster, to feel without affecting these people who had just finished a 150-mile race. When I spoke with my grandmother about the race cause & benefits, she told me something I hadn't known - that my aunt had a woman secretly paying her medical bills at $800/mo without telling or expecting anything. Suddenly, I felt a closer connection to the cause.

The next morning I hopped in on my teammate's workout; a Sunday long run with 10 mile tempo @ 6:20/pace. I did half of it, afraid to really push it from the weight of whatever was accumulated from the race. It was powerful, strengthening, fun to be a part of. The season is really coming along, as are the women I am fortunate to run beside.