I'm out of the dream-phase, fingers crossed. Maybe it's because I've been running a lot - brain's too mush from the pounding to conceptualize promiscuity. Woo hoo! I thought I was pretty aware of myself in the past, but now I'm like hyper aware of capability & fragility - when's a good time to call it an early night; how I'm starting to tell people I smell from the sweat before they can smell me first - you know, that really almost inappropriate honesty that arises out of exhaustion. I yelled at the wind the other day...then a truck pulling a ship. And somehow I don't feel stretched thin. Just liberated? Liberated from the dreams!
Got away with a 22-miler with Ber a few weeks ago. We ended at Old Town after a wait so long I was staring at people with contempt. I saw the waitress make a juicy mimosa with 95% champagne & I found it within me to visualize the beans, the toast, the butter, the coffee, the mimosa enough to make it to the table an hour later. It's possible a dehydrated, starving female runner post long run has a minimal window of patience: at one point we may have observed "the short girl with her little red leg warmers..." which in retrospect makes me have no feelings, but in the window of no-patience, was the exact symbol of the Devil.
I've been falling asleep on people's couches & floors. The last being after a gnarly workout of 3x3 miles, against headsideallover winds. I'm not a huge fan of doing marathon workouts alone. Or, I just really love the track. After: falling asleep on someone's couch with their cats while they're not home is like the definition of Single, Homeless, or In: Marathon Training.
I don't know how to comprehend the weight of last week's training. On paper it looks like a lot of work, in reality, it was daunting, independent, heavy. But somewhere in the middle I'm aloof, like, "Who am I?" and/or, "What did I just do?" Lately I've got the hardship-memory of a goldfish. But, with the falling asleep at random places, stank, grump, and black toenails, I have to acknowledge that the weight is daunting for a reason, and the reason is that I have chosen to be serious about something that I've always been aloof about: running competitively. I'm blabbing to accept some responsibility over the direction.
We had a sensational snowstorm over the weekend. Luckily I moved my workout a day up when the snow was mixed with rain because 12 hours later I was stuck at home. Went for a 6-miler in the county in the storm & felt like a child, something like, "Someone look at me! I'm crazy! I'm powerful!" I was doing great, minus the sting of snow in my eyes & eventually running with my eyes closed on ice like a champion, but some negative thought crept in & it took a good bout of self-conditioning & chocolate milk to deconstruct the bad juju & remember how fortunate I am. My workout the day prior was a 16 mi long run with 12 @ MP. I'm supposed to get to know my MP real well, but I'm an a-hole & fall into the category of faster-is-always- better- right? Remember how fortunate you are.
Woke up this morning in the spare bedroom of the Morrisson's to a springer spaniel sniffing my toes hanging off the bed. S. Morrisson had set out glasses with packets of vitamin C on top, and formed a penis on the counter out of beet juice sweets. I got a wake-up/are-you-alive call from my mum, who was still snowed in, making sure I was up for work (fortunate). After consuming some vitC I puked. Plot twist? Accurate. And awkward. Because now, I am not only falling asleep on friend's couches like a homeless, I'm also that girl who pukes in friend's homes like a super homeless. Pasty & uncomfortable, I drove through snow-town to work & puked all up in there. The chiro tested me positive for salmonella, yay! Made me consume a tincture of medicinal Bac-T, threw that up. Tried again, and eventually the hunched-back, pasty-faced look of pre-puke dissipated. I rallied like a champion & got my run in on lunch break; legs felt great. A few days ago, I peed red after my workout. I've been sick since before christmas which is likely bronchitis or walking pneumonia. If I look at all these things: homelessness, impromptu napping, high mileage, peeing red, persistent bacterial dysfunction, puking at work...you'd think I was a mess. See: Gratitude. Actually, I feel awesome.
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